Moving... moving... moved

My tour in RnI is coming to an end. I feel sad, emotional... Whatever feelings that you can name.... I wanted to talk to my guys about it but have no chance, they are too busy.... Chitra is trying to clear stuffs left by Kevin... ( Kevin, if you happen to read this..........WAH LAU EH!!!! ), VJ and Jon have no time for me and Joel is lying in bed in some weird hospital mending his knees. And I have no time for MYSELF. F#$K! Guys, I am honored to walk with a bunch of outstanding people.. And that's you all! You guys have taught me alot of stuffs, whether at work or through your friendship. My style of work might not appeal to some people but I 'm glad they you guys stuck with me through thick and thin and I must say a real BIG THANK YOU. Keep up the excellent work there and, hey, I'm still around...... Close enough.

The change at 17

We celebrated our mum's birthday last Saturday at my second sister's house. Everyone was there without fail. Every year my elder brother will call and all will answer. We've only our mother now. My dad passed away when I was 17 years old. In a way, I felt that all my brothers and sisters changed after that... Me too. We became super independent. I think it is a mask that all of us wear after dad's demise. Dad was the center of our lives back then, and when he left, our pillar fell. All of us went through a period of silence and deep thinking. At the end, we all walked out of it . We were never close to dad's relatives, or you can say, our relatives. Just too different from them. No, we're not proud people. Dad did not bring us up this way. Dad was more concern with our ability to survive in the world. Dad was practical. We all, in a way made it, I'm sure dad is proud.

That little bit more.... 

You don't see this side of me.... that much... 

An End

Well, the Safety Seminar has ended. VJ and Farhan was excellent and there were no problems at all. FANTASTIC!! Was what went through my brain. Well, sure wish that I could say the same for my exams.... Not fantastic at all... Not to my expectations. Sad. But I'm not gonna just let it be this way. Will improve again next semester. This semester is really difficult. got bogged down by lots of work and other stuffs. I lost focus and concentration and not able to perform like the previous semesters. And I knew exactly what went wrong. I will deal with it before the next semester starts. By God's Grace. Helpppppp!!!!

Lost within my own train of thoughts,
Drowned by overflowing emotions and
Defeated by my own desires.....
I'm nothing but dirt,
A good friend of mud,
A close companion to loneliness,
A wild horse racing through the desert,
Despairing,
Not seeing green pastures,
But his own illusions,
His own loneliness.

Sleepless Liar

Sometimes I hate myself,
I suppressed alot not to hate myself,
Cos' I does the things that I will not lose myself,
Cos' I fear that I will loose mself,
I don't want to hurt the feelings,
That I hold dearly to myself,
But I can't control the over-flowing flood myself,
If I can't be myself, then I rather kill myself,
There are more words then these to descripe my emotions now,
But I can't say anymore.......

Look Lost.

I thought we have a quite interesting day yesterday, with VJ and Farhan kicking in the show for the Safety Seminar. I was very confident that both of them are definitely up for this job. Although, I've only met Farhan recently, I can sense that this guy is special. VJ too. I knew that they can make things happen. I don't know about the rest, but I was very pleased with them. EXCELLENT. Well, the next few things are just to touch up a little here and there and wala... it is done.

I was very impressed with Jon, VJ and the rest of the gang. They prepared the ISO thingy without my presence.... Though, I felt pretty bad about it but at the same time pleased to see that the gang pulled through it. Very Well Done Guys. I knew that I am nothing without them and I constantly remind myself to appreciate them. Dick Winters once said something like this in the Band Of Brothers. "Never take anything from the men, but think of what you can give them. " ( something like this.... ). I took his words very seriously and hoped that I done at least 50% of the entire meaning of it. It's Not Easy.... Ego Freak like VJ needs to be constantly reminded that he needs to be understanding to people, Jon always need that boost of confidence..... Joel just need to screw VJ more...

Kinky, Cheeky & Monkey 

Living in pain........