Henry

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2007-11-27T14:51:00.000+08:00

I went to see Jeremy today. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do. I can only remember calling up VJ to say that I ban him from dragon boat. I can only remember myself going through all the blogs of my men to make sure that they are still fine.... What the hell am I doing?

Excessive

2006-03-01T23:13:00.000+08:00

I feel an excessive need to write today. I don't know why. Too much happened lately and I was really unable to get it out of my system. Somehow, everytime when things happened, be it good or bad, I'll always remember the men that I led. I will always remember Ling Jia Hao who is always rocking in RnI with his fav Gospel songs with me banging our heads together screaming early in the morning at 0710hrs. I remember Elton doing the sacastic shit against wierd people who bothered us with useless questions. I remember Jasmine screwing the other guy for the lack of interest in their personal work. I remember Lee Kok Seng looking stressed infront of his computer, cos he needs to submit his reports on time. I remember Long Ge confidently telling me, " All you need is to sign this document, I'll make sure the rest is done up swee swee. " And he never screw me up once, never. I remembered Kelvin Lam doing his best to do his RnI job. I remember JunHui kanna gang banged..... against the sharp corner of the table. I remember Wild Boar looking motivated when I told him that he will have off-days. You should have seen his face man.... I remember Chitra looking so focused on her paperwork. I remembered Joel telling VJ that he's an ass. I remembered VJ screwing incompetent people. I remembered Jonathan so consistently making sure that the office is cleaned and tidy up. And still will be messed up by us.... He never gave up anyways. I remember Sebas working so hard that I have to scold him to make him go home early. But he never anyways.... I remember the passion these people have and how times have passed... It's the passion of these people that have kept me going on and on and on and on. They are the ones that really got me going when things are tough and difficult nowadays. Thanks guys!!

Guess what, I smiled.

2006-03-01T22:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, it's really good to act stupid or maybe, the right word is blur. Life sometimes is over-complicated with lotsa noise and distorted messages that go through the air. I seek to be a simple person, but someone else will come and complicate the hell out of it. Something happened today. It's the usual workplace politics again. It's someone who think that I was unworthy to replace his position. Somehow, I laughed and say to myself," Why don't he think that I was doing him a favour?" To be trueful about it, I thought was selected to go there and clear his shit... Talk about toilet bowl mentality. He went on further to throw poison daggers at me to everyone that comes his way. And I'm sure everyone can see my back full of daggers sticking out and my face blue-black from the poisoning. I laughed. It's not that I don't know, but sad to say, I knew that he was doing that to me since 1999. I smile. I never said anything 'bout him for the past 5 years. And it will be the same for the rest of my life. Why? Cos' I choose a simple life.

See, there are some out there....

2006-03-01T00:21:00.000+08:00

The "Find of the Season", that's what was racing through my brain. I thought there's no leader in SA. To my total shock, I was dead wrong. But am I glad I was wrong. I found someone that is capable of getting things straighten out for SA and although there might be some limits to his area of responsibilities but I am very sure, given the right position and support, we can groom him to one of Armt better leaders. Someone capable like Sivakumar, Vj, Jonathan, Joel and much more. I started off today straight away, giving him authority for something and it was up to my expectation that things are done. Of course, it is only something for him to start of with others to acknownledge his presence and the the rest will follow... Beginning of great things!!!

Summary 2005

2006-02-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

Summary 2005

Well, guess this come a little late, but better than never....

People came and left, and yes, it's stilll the old guy ( me ) around looking at the new faces. From HA and SA. It is to me, a complete turnover and and literally unknown. I set myself out to know them better and is pleasantly surprise with their friendly response to me. I was glad. Ok, I'll be summing up my thoughts or events that I think matters to me. ( As usual )

I sold my bike and got a red Vios. But I still love bikes and still insist that my end state will still be a class 2 bike. A BMW GS1200.
Handed over my CSM appointment.
Got a new flat in Seng Kang.
After Boss left to become S3, some people starts to get to me. Some complain that I am his blue eye boy, that's why I'm ranked first again. Friends in high places?
I don't know why I got myself involved in Army Pride Day again... And this time, there's no VJ to take the shit.
I took part in the Army Sym. And I met the role model I want to emulate. SWO Francis Ng. Army RSM.
I am now a Master Trainer for a Section. I'm excited to see Senthil grow as a Leader in this phase.
Single handedly organized the OC COC Parade. With LTA Allan, of course.
Almost single handedly working for OHSAS 18000 Certification for my own company.
Almost single handedly working for ISO 14000 Certification for my own company.
At the same time, there's this MOB Manning!!
At the same time, there's this Army Pride Day.
The CO Change of Comand Parade has to fall on my birthday.... Tsk Tsk.
I realised that people that refuses to accept the CSM appointment when given the chance are actually questioning my abilities.... If so, why don't they do it?
Asked for post out and was "politely" refused by CO.....
Realized that I need to re-define my own working life.
Had to go and answer questions which I have no answers, but somehow got them answered. I call this Extreme Smoke Over....
I am stilll the same, I still love my people.
I missed Sebas.
I made it for MSR.

2006?

2006-01-03T21:55:00.000+08:00

Well, it’s 2006. What to say? Last year’s a busy but really slowing down in December and not really picking up pace… Not as much as I liked. I want to shift up my gear. I wanna move. I wanna climb. It’s not me to sit back and relax and assume that someone else’s gonna get the work done. Nope, no way is anyone gonna come forward and do things unless necessary. Then, why do I want to come out and do things? Because them, I am not.

P.S.

Promotion… Someone got promoted and they are not happy… I’m not really concern. It’s not my problem. Position does not spell quality. Not an issue.

Missin'

2005-12-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

Have not been blogging for some time now. Thought I should update some of my thoughts now.....

Handed over my appointment to someone I really thought is the better person to do this job. There wasn't really any bad feelings about the whole thing to me as it was an organisational requirement. All I want to do now is to take a break and hopefully get myself posted out... He he he...

Sorry to Jonathan... Could not attend his birthday... cos my elder brother's an ass....

Soldier

2005-10-01T16:55:00.000+08:00

> FINAL INSPECTION>>>>
The Soldier stood and faced God
Which must always come to pass
He hoped his shoes were shining
Just as bright as his brass.

"Step forward you Soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?"

The Solider squared his shoulders and said
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't
Because those of us who carry guns
Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work on Sundays
And at times my talk was tough,
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny
That wasn't mine to keep.
Though I worked a lot of overtime
When the bills got just too steep,

And I never passed a cry for help
Though at times I shook with fear,

And sometimes, God forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around
Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here,
Lord, It needn't be so grand,
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand."

There was silence all around the throne
Where the saints had often trod
As the Soldier waited quietly,
For the judgement of his God.

"Step forward now, you Soldier,
You've borne your burden well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."

2005-05-26T14:59:00.000+08:00

See her baby?

2005-05-26T14:57:00.000+08:00

Wat was I thinkin'........

2005-05-26T14:42:00.000+08:00

Our Greatest Fear

Nelson Mandela, 1994 Inaugural Speech

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,

but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.

It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,

we consciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

2005-05-26T13:57:00.000+08:00

A view from Watsons Bay

2005-05-26T13:56:00.000+08:00

Wat ya lokin" at Mike?

2005-05-26T13:55:00.000+08:00

Sydney Bridge

Sorry....

2005-05-19T08:45:00.000+08:00

Hey, sorry .... I've taken away the name. Anyway, don't worry lah.... I don't have links to the other bloggers......

Real? Bluff?

2005-05-18T08:23:00.000+08:00

Was reading what someone wrote on his blog ( About people he met in the Army...... ) I was actually laughing and thinkin' what he's gonna write about me? I really thought that it's a matter of opinion & perspective. The way you view people and think about stuffs. I thought that certain stuffs that happened to someone was actually unfair & sometimes I took it upon myself to help him or advise him on certain stuffs. That's the attitude we should have, I guess. Helpin' each other, not been to judgemental about people. That, I can do for younger guys. But I cannot feel the same way for seniors. There are some ingrates out there that will just turn on you right after you did work with them. Was bitching 'bout it with Jon. He was surprised, cos' he knows that I'm not that type that bitch 'bout people. But I told him that I can't tahan anymore and I only dare to tell him because he understands me. Well, I guess that's Army for you. Went to a meeting recently, it was really enlightening and further adds on to what I really feels about the management there. Oh well, I really should not say much. I'm really glad that I am a WOSE and I am very proud to be one and knows what I need to do. To train men and assist them to be better people. I do it with action not just by decibel.

Hey

2005-04-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

I'm back writing this... Some might be rubbing their hands in glee to read this. And why not. Things have changed significantly since the last 2 months as a CSM. I've truly, and confirmed that I am capable of evil. The sight of me shouting and making people do push ups and sit ups was probaly common back in those older days as a stand-in CSM, but this will be worse. I'm not truly a sadist, I don't enjoy these. But it's a job. It has to be this way for now until some people learn that it was just their own selfish act that has gotten the rest of the company, their fellow colleages into trouble. It's about time for people to realise that it is the company that is been punished. Each and everyone has a role to play. Bottomline. Guys that know will understand that. Maybe some will think that it's because that I am stressed, that's why I take it out on people. Think what you think, I'm not interested. If you have wisdom, you should have picked up the early warning signs that I tried to give out. I have given at least 1 month of grace and nice talking and it was ignored. Yes, it's probaly my fault that I was too friendly and nice earlier, but now it's too late. I have to let people know that I meant business and there is no room for discussion. No more.... I told someone in my office that day, I'm here to train men and to make they stronger as a person when they ORD and not to let them develop 2 years of bad habits and be a liability to the civilian world when they carry on the bad things that I need to rectify now. I don't want to live with regrets. I'm not running for a popularity contest.

Study, study....

2005-03-29T17:12:00.000+08:00

'ere I am .... Too tire from the mental bombing of AC Circuits.... Whoever created it is a genius and an ass.... Genius becos' it gave us life, ass becos' I have to study it... Damn...

I realised that I have not written stuffs 'bout the Cobra Challenge & Unit Ann. I think.... At least the aftermath... Nope, not gonna write it. It's something craved in my heart and in the hearts of those that went through it and got a positive experience. Sure, we bitch alot before the actual stuffs but I'm very sure that all of us were very proud of our achievements. No doubt.

Well, it's been almost 2 months as a CSM. Very hectic mentally, actually. Now I understand that certain things have to be done the tough way. The dealings with people, I meant. Well, I just wanted all the good for them and at times for the sake of the coy.

Managed to talk to Jon at last. Wanted to talk more as a friend, but I ended talking like a elder brother. Damn..... But is please to see him growing, from my point of view at least.

2005-03-29T15:38:00.000+08:00

Not a day done without ma sleepy cat!!!

2005-03-29T15:36:00.000+08:00

YE! Go! ... one of the man that made the Unit Ann. worth remembering...

2005-03-29T15:35:00.000+08:00

Juz can't take a proper pic.... Haizz

2005-03-29T15:34:00.000+08:00

XD..... Xing Da...HAHAHAa

2005-03-29T15:33:00.000+08:00

Jon!

2005-03-29T15:27:00.000+08:00

The old gang..........

What's wrong?

2005-03-15T02:12:00.000+08:00

There are some stuffs that I don't really understand....

What's so difficult with coming to work on time? Don't the civilian sector do the same?
What's so difficult about doing duty properly? Why create unnecessary problems with yourself? And create unhappiness for people when you don't turn up?
What's so difficult about keeping your hair short for 2 years?
What's so difficult about having a good bearing? ( Dressing.... )
What's so difficult about training yourself up physically? Isn't it good fo you?
What's wrong with black hair?
What's wrong with polishing your boots?
What's wrong with obeying simple rules?
What's wrong with you?

And many, many, many more......... The list will not stop. I guess very much boils down to one thing, personal discipline and responsibility. Or more bluntly, your character. Sure, I prefer a smart soldier more, but that doesn't mean I prefer someone that has no intergrity. If you need and want people to really take care of you, you must also give the person who wants to take care you with good reasons. Relations are 2 sided. It goes both ways. When it does not.... Things will definitely look bad.

Don't expect anymore favours. Don't expect anymore kindness. Don't expect anymore leniency. Don't expect anymore love. Don't expect anymore understanding. Don't expect anymore .... Expect wrath. Swift retributions. Anger. Screams. Punishments.

Is that what you want?

Do you want to push it that far?

I can take you there...........................

2005-03-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

My dream bike.....

Share, share....

2005-03-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

Someone asked me for my opinion on him regarding his "performance" in our company.... I was at first quite lost, as in I don't know how to react or even to think of what to say. You see, I live on the theory that everyone is different and what you do and say is largely due to different experience and background. Therefore, everyone has a different set of procedure in regards to different situations and therefore, I am unable to gauge "performance"........

But I can share stuffs that I live by consistently, or at least I try to....

Never work alone, you must have a team. Min. 2 person... Ask VJ, he is suffering from that now. ; p
When things go bad, you did it. When things go fairly well, we did it. When things are excellent, they did it.
Not getting work done because you are not around is no excuse. In fact, there is no excuse at all for any work that is not done.
As much rules as you are willing to break for your customer, you do the same for your people.
Poor performer demoralise the team's top performer. There is only three known solution I know for that.... Train him, transfer him or terminate him.
Whether you are the top performer or the poor performer, all will be treated well accordingly.
Leading by example is total bullshit, I say leading by consistency.
Never expect anyone to understand your point of view.
Communication is 2 way. So, why talk to a wall?
Your words are like pearls, but if you give them to pigs, they will trample it on the floor mixed with their waste.... Share it with humans. Get it?
If you think that you are the best, then, you better think again.
Self-confidence is an aura, not a clothe material that states your rank.
People need to trust you to follow you. Trust and respect is laboured.
Listen more, talk less.
You must know what you want, not what others want

2005-02-25T04:05:00.000+08:00

Ready to go.....

NAsty?

2005-02-25T03:47:00.000+08:00

I'm not a nasty person.... At least, in my own context. I was indirectly forced to say something nasty yesterday ( Well, I think it's nasty.... ) But I guess it comes with the job. It's a tough place to be when everything and anything happens, someone will just say "can the CSM look into this and the CSM look into that." Well, I've got alot of thoughts lately and it's really bottled necked in my brain. NOt that I don't want to share or what, just too many. We were very busy and my school work is too. Somehow, everything just start to drop on you and there are just ain't enough hands to catch them. Naturally, some will just slip through. But that doesn't mean that I ain't gonna pick them up. It's just a matter of time. People sometimes have to carry their own load and to handle themselves with the load. Sometimes, that's what a Leader do in his postion. People that have worked with me know that I've always claim all the bad things that happened to myself and the good for the others.....If they know.... I've always regarded people with me as friends... Well, at least some people, people that I go out and have coffee with. They know who they are. But there are some things that I can't share with them, like the load that I carry on my shoulders in the Army. I just need their understanding. Because, the load is not for you all to bear.

Juz having some thoughts....

2005-02-15T21:56:00.000+08:00

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

WORDS

2005-01-30T13:31:00.000+08:00

YOU & I BOTH
words & music by jason mraz

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
What you and I spoke of
Others only dream of the love that I love

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of

and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.

Creed

2005-01-30T13:16:00.000+08:00

"My Sacrifice"

Hello my friend, we meet again

It's been awhile, where should we begin?

Feels like forever

Within my heart are memories

Of perfect love that you gave to me

Oh, I remember

When you are with me,

I'm freeI'm careless, I believe

Above all the others we'll fly

This brings tears to my eyes

My sacrifice

We've seen our share of ups and downs

Oh how quickly life can turn around

In an instant

It feels so good to reunite

Within yourself and within your mind

Let's find peace there

When you are with me,

I'm freeI'm careless, I believe

Above all the others we'll fly

This brings tears to my eyes

My sacrifice

I just want to say hello again

When you are with me

I'm freeI'm careless, I believe

Above all the others we'll fly

This brings tears to my eyes

Cause when you are with me

I am freeI'm careless, I believe

Above all the others we'll fly

This brings tears to my eyes

My sacrifice, My sacrifice

I just want to say hello again

My sacrifice.

2005-01-30T12:46:00.000+08:00

The way to the Top.....

Feelings

2005-01-19T16:33:00.000+08:00

Went for some Log Soccer Competition today and we won 3-2... I never played. Well, it's a team thing and as a team member I'm very pleased that we won. Talkin' 'bout team, I've not worked closely with people, focusing on a single objective for a while now. I missed it. It's senseless and insane now for me. I've got a whole junk of "other" work and I totally hated it now. It has no meaning to me. Blast!! To list a few is.... "jao ho yi si" ( MSR ), "gao bu juai" Challenge ( Cobra Challenge) and the pride thing which I have "no" pride over.... etc. What ever, hope boss don't see this.... I'm getting no where in this company.... I'm feeling useless.

Read this book "American Soldier" by General Tommy Franks ( YES! I read.....) It kinda made me understand the importance of leadership even more. Everyday, I see these NS boys walkin' around and wonder even if they understand what is a soldier. Not that I do, totally, but at least I wanna do what is required. But you will probably get the " you get more pay leh" and I will say "you sign on lah" and they will say "ORD loh" and you get no where... Today, they only have to face natural disaster, I pray that they will never see war. Because, that will be too late.

I need a Real Job....

2005-01-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

Yup, that was what I told some people this two days... Including OC... And please define.... I don't know. There's no drive now in me. Numb. Not movtivated. No heart. No passion. No fire. No fight. I might even consider the Ammo Tech post..... DISSATISFIED ....

The End of Another Beginning....

2004-12-31T22:11:00.000+08:00

Well, this is the last post of this year for me. Here's some stuffs that I will like to share for this year....

1. I was ranked as a the Top SSG but I think I've not done enough to warrant that.
2. RnI was disband.... Along with my morale.
3. I scored straight A's except for 1 subject.... That's pretty sore to me.
4. Got a military Class 4 but can't drive becourse I still need to be " Fam ".
5. Wanted a marksman real bad... But I'm a bloody cockeye... Where's my ' Aimbot ' when I needed it most.
6. Somehow I've got a god-sister who VJ thinks I'm havin' an affair with... That piece of indian carp!!
7. Realised that some people thinks that I'm malay ( "wat the ...." )... Not talking about Kevin Tan here though.
8. I am lost and lonely without my wife.... But she don't think so...
9. Thinks that my bike is still not powerful enough.... Class 2 on the way, in six months time... Damn!!
10. Don't know what the hell is happening in the company, feels frustrated.
11. I'm still the stand-in CSM... But actually, I love the job ( my mouth juz wouldn't admit it ). Can connect with people. And solve wierd problems that deals with people.
12. Shane did not know that I'm married. Quote from Vek " how could he not know? " Who knows?
13. My left knee is going.... Yet I still volunteer for Cobra Challenge. I didn't want Xiao Chin to feel alone in this, that's why.
14. The only challenge I felt that I have during work is to irritate the hell out of VJ. The rest is routine.
15. Yes.I don't feel that there is a challenge in my job anymore. Could be connected to point No. 2.
16. I go to work feeling cold phsically and mentally.
17. Love my people at RnI, no matter how they are.
18. The men will never care for you or your work until they realise that you care for them.
19. Went through the AHM this year, AT LAST!!!
20. Still got a silver this year. Getting old. Tsk.Tsk.
21. I'm 30 this year. So?
22. For once, I felt helpless when I see the current " RnI " struggling in their own way. Wish I can do more.
23. Did something that I swore I should never do.... Trying to correct a man's character faults. Badly hurt the other time.
24. I'm not perfect.
25. Changed my style of work and I love it.
26. Still playing soccer when I thought my soccer days are over... It is kind of over. I can't play the same way I play again... My knee....
27. Did not play basketball for 1 whole year. Wah Lau.
28. VJ, Jon & Joel will forever be the best soldier in my heart.
29.Xiong Xiong and Sebas will forever be the best clerks in my heart.
30. And for all those guys that I've worked with, I appreciate all ya guys and respect all of you as real people.

Too Much...

2004-12-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

Had coffee with 3 guys from my company. Talked about work, camp and oh... the roller-skate girl......( as usual.. I mean don't you have enough in camp?... Anyway, we didn't share personal stuffs too much... so... it's still camp..... ) Down 2 cups of latte..... Went home feeling the caffeine effects... Did I spell "caffeine" correctly? What a day... I thought I told him too much ..... Too much for him to handle? Too cutting, maybe? Well, that's life... The truth hurts but wonder if that's the truth..... Everyone has their ideas and ideals but that does not mean that you can force it down their throats and even if you feel superior than the other guy, it simply means that you have to be more humble.. Long way to go friend.... Mine's juz started .... but you juz began.... What the f@#k am I writing?

The Pride

2004-12-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

I've been questioned by people... why am I still hanging around RnI when I should be somewhere else, why do I persist on helping out with them? I have no answer, only the RnI people can tell you how we feel. By our standards, we are the best. The best that the company can produce for this nature of work, not about the technical skills but the extreme positive, strong and diligent mental attitude that differentiate us from a normal piece of rock to a high grade diamond. Yes, the ability to lead, make decisons and move. The ones that stands right at the war front. That's RnI, those who were there will be proud. Simply, only the best will have the honour to even participate in this path. That is the tradition that I wanted to exist in them. Even after the section is dissolved. I want them to carry this mentality of excellence in to the other sections, into the society. Seeing the new generation of people struggling in they own way kinda affects me and makes me feel like staying around to help out in whatever I can. But I know deep down inside that it's only time. I will have to leave them to the new time, the new generation where I am only a transaction...............

2004-12-04T18:39:00.000+08:00

Ok, I know alot of ya guys out there have seen this pic. But it's still my all time fav, couldn't resist sharing wif ya guys.

Detached

2004-12-04T18:17:00.000+08:00

The pain is excruciating, blood dripping & flooding on the floor. A man lying on the ground. His heart torn out. But wait, it's only a small piece. Only that small piece in his hand. Detached. His heart looks normal, but not. Just because of that small little piece. He is crying painfully, imploring, wanting it back but at the same time, not wanting it. Why? Why? There is another in the room, his shadow. His other being, grinning, scorning & snickering. The choice is yours. Choose! You choose your life, whether you forsake that small piece of self or you keep it. In this dark and lonely generation, choose the value that you crave or have integrity in character. Does it exists in first place? Only that small piece of your heart you hold in your hands know. Examine it.

You tell them....

2004-11-29T20:25:00.000+08:00

When you need to tell someone you love them, you tell them.
When you need to do what you think is right, you do them.
When you are wrong, YOU ARE WRONG, change them.

YOU TWO....

2004-11-27T16:20:00.000+08:00

Actually, I 'm a weak person. I've made alot of mistakes before, more than you can ever imagine. I can lose a friend by just making a single sarcastic remark. Trust me, I did it before. Although, that remark was not meant to hurt. I'm flawed. Got alot of bad habits. But, that doesn't stop me from moving on and getting over them. That doesn't stop me from accepting myself. That doesn't stop me from changing for the better. And that dosen't stop me from accepting both of you. YOU TWO!!! Why don't you just get over it? How do you expect me to leave in peace when I see the two of you like this? You two are like my left and right hand and do you know how much it hurts me to see this. Like a needle, pickin', twistin' & diggin' in my heart. Like slapping my own face.

Hurt...

2004-11-18T19:16:00.000+08:00

So, where are you going?

Where?

2004-11-18T19:09:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you look at stuffs happening around ya and wonder about it.... Like things happened that you don't really wanna it to happen and things that happen that happen ..... Whatever... Was talking to the new boys in RnI and trying to settle their minds or trying to understand their situation abit, most of them are prepared but still question the changes. For that I have no answer. Why? I don't know... Sometimes, that's life. You don't get to see the light until you get to the end of the tunnel. That's life. That's lie. You choose.

You Don't Know.....

2004-11-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

Had to take a urgent leave today. Could not finish my school assignment on Sunday.... My group members are getting nervous where they heard that I did not finish the work yesterday.... But what the heck !!! I made it today, whew.... That was close. Ha!! Never realise I'm capable of doing last minute work. BUT WAIT, that's what I was doing for the pass years!!! Runned by the schedule rather than running the schedule! That has gotta change. Watch ME.....

Some Inspiration From Steven Curtis Chapman

2004-11-08T10:46:00.000+08:00

Still Called Today
There a hole the size of a cruel word
In a wounded heart somewhere that's learning to hide the pain
There's a thorn stuck in the conscience of Someone who spoke a word in anger
And they can't wash away the stain, sorry's such a hard word to say
But while it's still called today, won't somebody make it right
Before the day slips into night and the moments waste away
While it is still called today, we've got to say the words
That are longing to be heard 'cause tomorrow may be too late
Go on and say what you need to say while it is still called today
There's a girl who's waiting day after day
To hear her daddy say "I love you,"now the days have turned to years
There's a wall that silence has turned to stone
Between a man and woman, she's holding back the tears
And he's holding on to his fears
'Cause there's a time when the sun goes down
And the flowers are laid on the grave
Will the tears that fall to the ground
Be the tears of regret for the words someone didn't say

.......For VJ

2004-11-08T01:38:00.000+08:00

七里香
窗外的麻雀在电线杆上多嘴
你说这一句很有夏天的感觉手
中的铅笔在纸上来来回回
我用几行字形容你是我的谁
秋刀鱼的滋味猫跟你都想了解
就像雨水院子落叶跟我的思念厚厚一叠
几句是非也无法将我的热情冷却
你出现在我诗的每一页
雨下整夜我的爱溢出就像雨水
窗台蝴蝶像诗里纷飞的美丽章节
我接著写把永远爱你写进诗的结尾
你是我唯一想要的了解那饱满
的稻穗幸福了这个季节
而你的脸颊像田里熟透的蕃茄
你突然对我说七里香的名字很美
我此刻却只想亲吻你倔强的嘴

Moving... moving... moved

2004-10-28T18:35:00.000+08:00

My tour in RnI is coming to an end. I feel sad, emotional... Whatever feelings that you can name.... I wanted to talk to my guys about it but have no chance, they are too busy.... Chitra is trying to clear stuffs left by Kevin... ( Kevin, if you happen to read this..........WAH LAU EH!!!! ), VJ and Jon have no time for me and Joel is lying in bed in some weird hospital mending his knees. And I have no time for MYSELF. F#$K! Guys, I am honored to walk with a bunch of outstanding people.. And that's you all! You guys have taught me alot of stuffs, whether at work or through your friendship. My style of work might not appeal to some people but I 'm glad they you guys stuck with me through thick and thin and I must say a real BIG THANK YOU. Keep up the excellent work there and, hey, I'm still around...... Close enough.

The change at 17

2004-10-25T05:48:00.000+08:00

We celebrated our mum's birthday last Saturday at my second sister's house. Everyone was there without fail. Every year my elder brother will call and all will answer. We've only our mother now. My dad passed away when I was 17 years old. In a way, I felt that all my brothers and sisters changed after that... Me too. We became super independent. I think it is a mask that all of us wear after dad's demise. Dad was the center of our lives back then, and when he left, our pillar fell. All of us went through a period of silence and deep thinking. At the end, we all walked out of it . We were never close to dad's relatives, or you can say, our relatives. Just too different from them. No, we're not proud people. Dad did not bring us up this way. Dad was more concern with our ability to survive in the world. Dad was practical. We all, in a way made it, I'm sure dad is proud.

2004-10-24T17:21:00.000+08:00

That little bit more....

2004-10-24T16:26:00.000+08:00

You don't see this side of me.... that much...

An End

2004-10-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

Well, the Safety Seminar has ended. VJ and Farhan was excellent and there were no problems at all. FANTASTIC!! Was what went through my brain. Well, sure wish that I could say the same for my exams.... Not fantastic at all... Not to my expectations. Sad. But I'm not gonna just let it be this way. Will improve again next semester. This semester is really difficult. got bogged down by lots of work and other stuffs. I lost focus and concentration and not able to perform like the previous semesters. And I knew exactly what went wrong. I will deal with it before the next semester starts. By God's Grace. Helpppppp!!!!

Lost within my own train of thoughts,
Drowned by overflowing emotions and
Defeated by my own desires.....
I'm nothing but dirt,
A good friend of mud,
A close companion to loneliness,
A wild horse racing through the desert,
Despairing,
Not seeing green pastures,
But his own illusions,
His own loneliness.

Sleepless Liar

2004-10-20T03:44:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I hate myself,
I suppressed alot not to hate myself,
Cos' I does the things that I will not lose myself,
Cos' I fear that I will loose mself,
I don't want to hurt the feelings,
That I hold dearly to myself,
But I can't control the over-flowing flood myself,
If I can't be myself, then I rather kill myself,
There are more words then these to descripe my emotions now,
But I can't say anymore.......

Look Lost.

2004-10-16T20:03:00.000+08:00

I thought we have a quite interesting day yesterday, with VJ and Farhan kicking in the show for the Safety Seminar. I was very confident that both of them are definitely up for this job. Although, I've only met Farhan recently, I can sense that this guy is special. VJ too. I knew that they can make things happen. I don't know about the rest, but I was very pleased with them. EXCELLENT. Well, the next few things are just to touch up a little here and there and wala... it is done.

I was very impressed with Jon, VJ and the rest of the gang. They prepared the ISO thingy without my presence.... Though, I felt pretty bad about it but at the same time pleased to see that the gang pulled through it. Very Well Done Guys. I knew that I am nothing without them and I constantly remind myself to appreciate them. Dick Winters once said something like this in the Band Of Brothers. "Never take anything from the men, but think of what you can give them. " ( something like this.... ). I took his words very seriously and hoped that I done at least 50% of the entire meaning of it. It's Not Easy.... Ego Freak like VJ needs to be constantly reminded that he needs to be understanding to people, Jon always need that boost of confidence..... Joel just need to screw VJ more...

2004-10-16T10:45:00.000+08:00

Kinky, Cheeky & Monkey

2004-10-16T10:44:00.000+08:00

Living in pain........

2004-09-27T14:37:00.000+08:00

21KM AHM
Look everyone is talking about it now. How difficult it is, how much pain and training you've gone through, how much you think that you have achieved and most importantly, how glad you are that it is DONE! Hey! No shit.... It's not easy lor, but at the end of the run, the most important thing is that you knew you tried your very best and completed the run... NO MATTER WHAT!! Whether you walk abit here or there or "why the other guy is faster?", "Why he don't need to walk?", "why he don't to drink water?", WHY THE HECK YOU CARE? The most important thing is that you completed the run with integrity and honour. Bottomline, life is a process, if you think you did not do well this time, there's always next year!! Life's a race. The day you give up is the day you lost.

2004-09-18T16:40:00.000+08:00

Hey, hey, Hey

I've been running around like a mad dog driving a creepy monster that limits me to 50km/hr, been sarcastically remarked as a "high class driver cum storeman". Blamed for failing to be around when my section needs me the most..... all the while when I'm trying to ensure that stuffs get done.... What the f*%k!!! But you know that, it happens all the time. All these 11 years in the Army, doing all the right thing when you are blamed for the wrong reasons and doing nothing but gaining all the credits. Doing all the work but people always think that the other person did more than you... JUST BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO TAKE CREDIT FOR ANYTHING. I was upset the other day when someone told me to do something just because he thinks another person did more than me???? WHAT THE F##K!!! Man, I did not know how I managed to calm down... Idiots like me who only nod my head and carry out the mission will just have to endure this.

IF YOU CAN RUN, YOU WILL DO ALL THE RUNNING.
IF YOU CAN WORK, YOU CAN DO ALL THE WORKING.
IF YOU CAN'T TALK, YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOUR CREDITTING.

2004-09-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

My other love affair...

2004-09-14T21:21:00.000+08:00

MR CHOO!!

2004-09-14T21:19:00.000+08:00

The Best.

Old Man

2004-08-27T21:26:00.000+08:00

So?
Lotsa things happened this week. My best mate from Taiwan loss his father. The "Puwei Gang" was there, still keeping the spirit alive.... at least all that cared was there. The last time we gathered was for Ivan's wedding. I missed those days..... How much things have changed... some ord, some left Army for a better life out there... some remained.... But there was something that never changed... the friendship remains.... How I missed those days.... Days of soccer, days of area cleaning.... and TBY.... As I reflected on this and stuffs in camp, I began to appreciate Jon, Joe and VJ even more. Well, to me, at least, I was never their boss... juz a friend... that is the most important thing to me. Just like the Puwei Gang, everything will change, our lifes...etc But the friendship will still remain... Cheers!

2004-08-27T20:56:00.000+08:00

Becks

2004-08-20T20:21:00.000+08:00

Misty

Over the LINE

2004-08-20T20:16:00.000+08:00

Over the LINE.
Short and fast one.... Classic mistake that I made over 30 Years of life........ Stepping over someone's limit.... stabbing my own ass..... Peace

2004-08-18T21:31:00.000+08:00

Sleepy Cat

WHO

2004-08-18T21:06:00.000+08:00

Who are you? Painted faces with hypocrisy powdered all over your face.... There is no true in you! Only lies of friendship and pretended understanding of a real friend. There is no friends, only my naive and stupid belief that I should think that there is. Was there any? I doubt, only God knows, but He's not telling.... Sigh.......

So.... who washed whose feet?

2004-05-31T18:50:00.000+08:00

what have I heard?

"there were 13 people in the upper room but only 12 clean pairs of feet....."

I learned this in church yesterday and thought of sharing this with anyone that read my blog... There was this balding preacher in church talking to us about servanthood and what it means to be a real servant leader. The Greatest Example was found in the Bible. Jesus! John 13 1:17

BACKBONE

Was sharing with someone (infact, a number of people) today that problems are meant to strengthen you and the character and strength you gained gives you a strong backbone.... Makes you a better person. Experiences are pieces of gold you picked up along the long path you make down this journey of endlessness. Or it seems to you... But like what I always say, perceptions can be deceiving and the truth can be twisted.... So where does it lead us? I'm still waiting........

Claw my way

2004-05-07T10:32:00.000+08:00

Struggles

I struggle daily, seems as if I can't control my flesh
I hope for the best that I would pass this test
But Satan keeps on haunting me, he be wanting me
So I call on the name of the Lord to come and set me free
I never thought that he would answer when I call
pick me up when I fall, or even cared at all
So since he answered I thought I'd give him a try
now that I live for him people want the same high, that lifts my soul to the sky

Scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Don't

2004-05-05T20:58:00.000+08:00

Jon of Silence

Sometimes when I don't say, it doesn't mean that I am afraid,
Sometimes when I don't look, it doesn't mean that I don't know,
Sometimes when I don't write, it doesn't mean that I can't move,
Sometimes when I don't sing, it doesn't mean that I am tone deaf,
Sometimes when I don't listen, it doesn't mean that I can't hear,
Sometimes when I don't worry, it doesn't mean that I am fearless,
Sometimes when I don't read, it doesn't mean that I am not educated,
Sometimes when I care for you, it doesn't mean that I will show.

Hey, hey, hey

2004-05-02T11:23:00.000+08:00

VJ

This clown nearly destroyed me bike.... What was in my head when I agreed to let him try out the bike.... Anyway, I lied when I told that he cannot make it. For someone that has no knowledge of clutch, brakes & co-ordination of all those stuffs, I think he did excellent. ( Must be snickering now when he read this... ) I did not want to encourage him because' I do not want to be directly responsible for his interest in riding.... His mum will send Armoured Tanks .........

Riding?

Someone asked me why do I ride... I wanted to tell him my passion and interest and my first time when I twisted the throttle and that moment of freedom and life.... But somehow I noticed that look in the eye... So I decided to tell him something believable.... " Aiya, I no money to buy car mah..." Somehow, after which, when I went on my way home, I have a strange feeling.... so hypocritical? Not sure, can't juz share something like that, I guess... No self-confidence? No way, I never expected anyone to understand anyway.... So how? What was that? I wonder.......... Someone tell me

That Big Round Eyes

Had a small family garthering at my second sis place... Infact, all the brothers and sisters fall in there .... Had a screaming time....... That means all their kids were there too. Had alot of first time there yesterday, actually saw my twin's daughter laughing and dancing... And my elderest sis children having a good time. I realized I missed my second sis son very much. He was living wif us before they moved. He somehow had a hold in my heart. Haizzz... When he kissed me goodbye I nearly cried.... Don't know why.... Must be that big round eyes....

2004-04-23T20:38:00.000+08:00

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-04-21T22:24:00.000+08:00

Are you kidding me?

I reached home today with a wierd feeling... Not 'bout the test I took juz now in school but I think I've carried home some heavy feelings 'bout work... I guess. As much as I wanted to live in the grace of God, it seems to get even further from me. Like trying to grap hold of sand in my hands, slipping away.... You know that's life..

The Tale of Two Cities

Sounds like some novel that I've read for my literature class... Do they still study that in school... I can only wonder.. But in a irony sense... It seems to be happening to RNI. So different, but the same, so far apart, but so close... I sometimes feel so helpless by my limitations to assist them guys in the HA side, I can only offer to to block all the shoots taken at them... Lots been spoken but I wanted to see if those that spoke will be truth to their word... I will definitely wanted to see. I also believe in the human aspect of everything and not some damn system setup by human to better things when it is the human that is running that system to better things.... so if the human messes up the system he sets up to better the human.... where does it lead us? And what most frustrates me is this... People will take any chance get you when you are down... No matter what you do whether right or wrong... Even when they are in the same company... Don't thet think that it is stupid? Like the python swallowing it's own tail... It when eat up themselves. So eat this, I am not concern by their remarks or their senseless bad mouthing. I am only concern that I please God with what I do and my response is to even try to better ourselves. I ain't gonna let my guys down so easily. Changes have been made, systems will change, people come and go... But there is still a job to be done and there are still a bunch of clowns in my office to be loved and be well taken care of by me.

Jon & Joe

These two lighten up my day .. Seeing them in the office makes me feel comfortable, I don't know how... But it pleases me to realised that they are there.. Love you guys.

The Bonding

Was talking to Jaz 'bout the bonding we've have with the older bunch.. KS, Elton ( I love ya messed up attitude ), Long-ge, Jia Hao... I realised that I've grow attached to them including Jaz who will be leaving me to R2. Makes me sad that somehow or other when I realised that it will be the same for Jon, Joe, Kev,Joesph, Chitra. This is something that I've never gotten used to ths 11 years... People leaving.. But that's life and I can only make the best of it when they are around and really to treasure the friendship we have.

ME

You realised that I don't complain much 'bout life. 'Cos I've been saved by Christ. He died on the cross for me and I've been washed clean by Jesus. I live by grace and not by works. I want to love like Jesus has done and still doing. But I am not perfect, I still fail... God forgive me..

2004-04-17T14:46:00.000+08:00

This a result of long reading session form 3 bloggers I know. I must say that I'm not very confident about my english standard.. But I just wanna try to write and hopely not write myself into trouble...